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In the prime of her career, the late R&B groove singer, Aaliyah Haughton, had a popular song called “Try Again” in year 2000, written by Static Major and produced by her super Virginia music man, Timbaland. The song explained to a hopeful lover, “And if at first you don’t succeed / Then dust yourself off and try again…”
The word and psychology of that advice is called resilience, which everyone doesn’t have. Some people won’t even try the first time, let along try again, and again, and again… But winners do. They have the confidence and foresight to overcome the hurdles, setbacks and embarrassing failures. And I’m not just talking about landing relationships with women. I’m talking about landing opportunities in life in general.
You gotta go for it. Big opportunities don’t just jump in your lap. And when they do, you still have to be prepared for them, or you’ll end up wasting it. That’s like when the spoiled, prodigal child gets a chance to take over mommy’s or daddy’s business, just because they’re the heir. But will they be able to run the family company successfully if they were not prepared for it?
Oftentimes, these kids are forced to learn on the job and become astute at it, because the parents typically want them to succeed at taking over and keeping the enterprise in the family. So, unless the kids reject the challenge or are outright horrible at running things, they will get that chance to try again. But that’s not the case for most of us.
Unless you’re born into family money, you’re going to be forced to prove that you can hang in there and get the job done. And sometimes we have to deal with the realities of nepotism, sexism, favoritism, capitalism, ageism, and old friendships that get in the way. You know, we end up battling the family members, the male or female boss, the social climbers, the money grubbers, the young and the old, and the college, high school and neighborhood buddies, who are in better negotiating positions than us.
That’s just life. So, instead of complaining about it, you face it, analyze it, master it, and overcome it. That’s what “try again” means. Learn from the first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time and so on, because life keeps going. Life don’t stop because you stop. And whoever keeps going will eventually have that opportunity that you gave up on.
However… a stream of failures can lose our confidence and spin us into a cycle of frustrations. How many of us have ever uttered the phrase, “I just can’t f-ing win!” I know I have, because I’m trying, and I really want that W in life. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be frustrated. A lack of frustration is what happens to people who stop trying, because they no longer care. That’s when their work ethics become soft and aimless, as they learn to live from week to week and paycheck to paycheck with no more big dreams for their lives.
And they end up saying things like, “I just wanna retire with a nice, little nest egg,” when they haven’t really done much to begin with.
I bring this all up because I’ll be hitting the age of 60 in less than three years now, while still feeling like I’m 30. I look around now and ask, “What the hell happened to all those years? You mean to tell me, I’m damn-near sixty now? What the hell!”
But it’s true. Time doesn’t stand still for any of us. So, many of my old, high school and college friends are now bailing out on doing anything significant in their lives as they wind down toward a retirement. Meanwhile, I’m still out here thinking about filmmaking, music making, book writing, and brand building, with world traveling, exploration and romance.
Yes. I am. Because the fat lady ain’t sang yet. I haven’t even seen her. And I’m not trying to see her. I got deaf ears to her singing, too. All I see and hear is Marvel Comics legend, Stan Lee, at 95 years old, who was still doing cameos in his superhero, action movies before he passed away back in 2018 at 96. Rest in peace to him (RIP).
I read that Stan Lee had been in the comic book business since 17 years old, back in year 1939. But his first successful movie production didn’t happen until Wesley Snipes starred in Blade in 1998, when Lee was 76, and his Marvel Comics empire was in bad financial shape. Then came the X-Men in 2000, Spider-Man in 2002, followed by Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Captain America, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, and eventually, Black Panther, creating a $53(+) billion brand for Walt Disney.
But what if… Stan Lee had stopped doing it all at age 75, right before Blade happened, which shifted his life into another gear for his final 19 years? Hell, I’ll take those final 19 years of international Marvel Comics movies over chilling in a retirement home any day of the week. Wouldn’t you?
Aaliyah sang, “Dust yourself off and try again / try again / try againnn…” and that’s exactly what I’m planning to do. Hell, I’m not even 60 yet!
You see how my age argument quickly flipflopped when bringing up Stan Lee’s career?
How about former US President Joe Biden, winning the Democratic seat at age 77, after standing behind Barak Obama for eight years, and watching Donald Trump on the Republican ticket for four?
“Dust yourself off and try again…”
Henry Ford spent 13 years of trial and error before he finally broke through with a lucrative Ford car model that sold back in year 1903, when Americans were still dying young. I believe the life expectancy age back then was around 50, so 45 was like being 70 now with a new life expectancy of 76 for men and 81 for women. That means, Stan Lee was supposedly on his death bed when he finally broke through with Blade, X-Men and Spider-Man.
But instead lying down in preparation for his death, he kept going with his ambitions, and look what happened. Of course, a Stan Lee comparison isn’t born every day. He became a special creative man with a Marvel brand that is only rivaled by DC Comics with Batman and Superman franchises that were way out in front of Marvel in the film game until recently. And Stan always wanted to write what he called “the Great America Novel,” which I’ve already done in my own career, albeit on the Black American / Urban side.
But now I’d like to have what Stan Lee has, a brand worth billions in graphic comics, merchandising, and the international film.
Honestly, I may not get to the billions part any time soon (smile), but I’ll take the millions. And I’ve started working toward that now. So, stay tuned. I’ll have something BIG coming for you next month. I’ve been up in the lab, working on plenty of things. And I’ve already had my lumps, and dramatic ups and downs in life. Plenty of them. So, I’m ready for the ups again.
I’ve been humbled and have failed with dozens of previous projects that I wanted to accomplish in the past that didn’t turn out. That happens to all of us. No one has everything. Just imagine how many athletes out there who have never been a world champion. Only one man, one woman and one team can win at a time. Meanwhile, you have some people who have won multiple championships. Tom Brady, for instance, who is now considered the best NFL quarterback on all time, played in 10 Super Bowls and won seven of them with five Super Bowl MVPs, while Jim Kelly, another Hall of Fame quarterback was 0-4 in the Super Bowl with Buffalo Bills, with zero Super Bowl MVPs. But Jim Kelly never stopped trying. That’s how he got to four of the and made the NFL Hall of Fame.
So, let me toss a few other names at you before I prepare for next month’s article announcement. Both Kentucky Fried Chicken, now known as KFC’s, and Ronald McDonald’s, often called Mickey D’s, were established by the late Colonel Harland Sanders at 65, and the late Ray Kroc at 52, respectively. The Little House of the Prairie creator, Laura Ingalls Wilder was 65 as well when she first published her famous book that led into a popular American television series. And Bram Stoker of Dracula fame, and Raymond Chandler, known for his famous detective stories, were not able to break out until their early 50s.
As actors, the great Morgan Freeman didn’t land any of his major roles until age 50, and Rodney Dangerfield didn’t get any respect for his career until 46, which is nearly ancient for actors and comedians. And how about Sam Walton, who solidified the Wal-Mart brand at age 44 in 1962 in the state of Arkansas.
Trust me, it wasn’t an easy road or an overnight success story for Sam Walton to negotiate the stability and rise of his family’s eventual Wal-Mart empire. At age 32, he had lost everything from his first convenient store enterprises. And it would be a long road of trial and error with a lot of planning, praying and persevering for him to develop the brand of stores that we all know now. And more than 60 years later, the Wal-Mart name is now worth more than $140 billion that all four of the Walton children own a piece of.
Of course, these are all legendary stories of success from legendary people. Could I ever join that group? Maybe not in total dollar amount and historical importance, but with me already making a name for myself at age 57, I could as least build something into long lasting legacy for my children. And as of right now… I still haven’t done that yet. I had started it years ago and failed. So, allow me to work on that family goal first… and then go from there.
“Dust yourself off and try again…” no matter what it is. It’s not good for any of us to live life with dust all over us anyway. Let’s all learn how to glimmer, shine and sparkle, long before they place us in those clean tuxedos and fancy dresses at the funeral.
Yeah, I know. It sounds a bit cynical and morbid to speak so frankly about death, but that’s what it is. When you allow your life, your dreams, your goals and your aspirations to slip into a lake of nothingness that doesn’t move anything or anyone, then you become that quiet, business-as-usual funeral, where no one even cries, because you never did anything passionate enough to create an emotional response of tears.
Wow. That’s deep. But I’m old now enough to be that honest about it.
So, again, as Aaliyah once sang, I advise us ALL to“Dust yourself off and try again / try again / try againnn…”
~ Omar Tyree is a New York Times bestselling author who has published more than 30 books and counting and won an NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Work of Fiction in 2001. He graduated from Howard University, cum laude, with a degree in Print Journalism from the School of Communications in 1991.
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