Note from the Publisher:

Our goal is to start a “constructive dialogue” between men and women on a topic that is suppressed that clearly needs to be discussed more in the open.  I know that there are real life stories from successful men who are in relationships with high achieving women.  Both sides have a story to tell that is real to them.  There is anxiety, pain, stress and suffering on both sides, and the pain appears to be experienced more intently by men (generally speaking) as they attempt to cope, manage and salvage their relationship with their woman.  To quote one man, “this ain’t no easy task.”

How many good men have been hurt emotionally trying to be a good man to their high achieving girlfriend or wife?

There was an article published in Psychology Today magazine in 2012 by Paula Davis-Laack.  The author theorized that high achieving women think differently and as a result can cause their male partners stress.

Black Men In will soon publish real-life stories from successful men who are in relationships with high achieving women.  You will read first-hand of the triumph and the pain and all of the emotions in-between as these men detail what it’s like to be intimately involved with powerful and successful women.

Many of these women are so focused on their jobs and the tasks associated with their jobs that they treat their men as if they were members of their staff at work.  They don’t mean to treat their man like this, but they do.

Make no mistake, we men get our feelings hurt a lot more than we admit. We can be emotional and sensitive in our expressions of affection and can internalize and suppress those hurt feelings.

Sometimes, we hurt each other on purpose (which is never justified), but very often in a relationship, a man and a women can hurt each other’s feelings by accident.

Below are a few examples of how high achieving women unknowingly hurt their man.

  1. She double-checks or corrects his work on simple tasks. 
  1. She consistently rejects his sexual advances.
  1. She consistently expresses desire for things the family budget can’t afford.
  1. She consistently questions his judgment.
  1. She doesn’t say “Thank you” because she assumes he knows he’s appreciated.

45% of the people who visit this site are women.  So ladies if you are reading this article, here are a few things you need to know that you may have forgotten.  The following does not pertain to all men, but generally speaking, you can’t go wrong if you adhere to the following guidelines:

  1. Speak to your man as a man and NOT as another woman. Simple, clear and concise communication work best for us.  If you take out the judgment, you can even give us advice on how we can improve and we will hear it and listen and not argue.
  2. Men love to show their love using actions.  You have to learn to notice and appreciate our effort.  We don’t mind working hard to show our love for you.  Don’t hate because we do thing differently.
  3. We don’t mind if you let us know that we are you man.  We know that you are successful.  Would it kill you to let go of the reigns and let us do what we are supposed to do?  Let us that you need us and depend on us every now and then.  We don’t need to be Superman.  Learn to see and recognize our strengths and accept us for our weaknesses.
  4. Sometimes a man just wants to be alone, give us our space and let us do nothing.
  5. Men do feel insecure at times.  Sometimes we wonder if we are strong enough and smart enough for you.  Our egos get bruised, sometimes easily after dealing with you.  We are not staff employees.  We are your man.
  6. Allow your man to be intimate his way.  You can’t direct and control everything.  We would do more things with you if you just ease up a little.  When you do that, we really do enjoy being with you.
  7. Respect us.  Enough said.  If you don’t know what this looks like, ask your man.  He will tell you.

Most men believe that if the aforementioned items are taken care of, sexual intimacy and that sexual connection will be strong.

Be patient as we canvas the country to get more stories from successful men who are in relationships with high achieving women and how that impacts the lives of the men.


If you have a story to tell, share it with us at  Or scroll down to the bottom of the page and leave us a comment.

If you are a visitor to this site, please know that we appreciate you.  Let’s get this dialogue started.

Gary J. Head Shot

Gary A. Johnson is the Founder of Gary A. Johnson Company & Associates, LLC, a management training and consulting company. The company manages a variety of Internet and digital media enterprises including Black Men In, one of the most popular web sites on the Internet.  You can follow Gary on Twitter at

The New Trend and Why

By Donna Marie (Posted April 11, 2017)

One thing is for sure, girls are dating older guys much more so now than ever before thus shunning what society and the gossipers think.
Just think I moved to Atlanta GA for employment and a better lifestyle. However, I found the social aspects of my life took a downhill spiral. I dated boys instead of men. I looked at myself and realized I was moving backwards.

What’s driving these relationships lopsided by age? Is there an element of perversion? An aligning of planets given that girls mature faster than boys? Or is this trend fueled by one’s instinct to nurture or be nurtured? Are there simply more benefits dating someone much older.

Why more younger women like Donna Marie are falling into the arms of older guys.

When a young woman starts entertaining these thoughts, seldom will she find a man her own age who hears the same little voice as she does. Men are wired differentlyas if you didn’t already know. And this is why single older guys are an appealing proposition – they too hear that same little voice inside their head. His days of partying have come to a close, he’s experienced with women and has been around the block enough times to know what most woman want.

A guy who is older provides security, is ready to have a young vibrant, intelligent mate he is less likely to be a player, is far more adept in communication and is financially motivated to provide a loving and safe environment for his beautiful younger lady and family.

Younger women often enjoy the company of older man for a variety of reasons. A very common reason that many women turn to older men is that these men are more mature than the men their own age. Women mature faster than men and therefore want to be with a man who is closer to them in maturity level. Women do not want to date a man who would rather play computer games then spend time with her. This is not a problem with an older man.

Some women, and in particular those who have an absent father, look to an older man as a type of father figure or mentor. This is often a mutually beneficial arrangement for both parties involved. A woman will receive guidance and gain more life experience from being with an older man while the older man gets to feel that he is powerful and is looked up to by the woman.

Men who are mature also tend to be worldlier and more self-confident as they know themselves better, which is something that attracts younger women. Older men are more experienced sexually but tend to have less of a sex drive but many women find that the lovemaking with an older man is completely fulfilling to them, as older men are better at listening to the needs of a younger woman than a man their own age tends to be. Not being as drive by testosterone often makes older men better in bed than younger men, according to some women. Older men often view pleasure in a different light than younger men and are more concerned with the woman’s pleasure as opposed to their own. This makes them very appealing to younger women.

Older men tend to be more steadfast and stable and are generally more established and settled in their chosen careers than are younger men. The security that comes from being financially viable and well established is traits that tend to draw younger women to older men in droves. An older man is no longer in college or struggling away at a low paying job but is secure and generally doing well at his profession.

Women like the chivalry that older men often show and they like the fact that older men tend to have more respect for them and they are polite and have manners. Women like men who know how to be men. In today’s society many young people are delaying growing. Most women want to be with men who are responsible and can stand on their own two feet and are able to support themselves and take care of themselves without their mother’s help. Most women do not want a man who is supported his parents. That is why many younger women seek out the company of an older man.

Black Male Statistics

According to official estimates from the US Census Bureau the Black male population in the United States was 21.5 Million in 2013. This is 48% of the total Black population compared to Black females who make up 52% of the Black population.

Compared to all males in America Black males are on average younger at 31 years old compared to the age of ‘all males’ (36 years old). However, when looking at a breakdown of age Black male children under 18 years old are at the same percentage as ‘all male children’ (51%). The percent of the population who are males declines much quicker for Black males as they get older due to a higher mortality rate than males on average (see table on left). This considering that men of all races and ethnicities have a shorter lifespan than women.


In 2013 about 48% of Black men 25 and older attended college although half of them did not complete a degree compared to 58% of ‘all men’ who attended college who just under half have no degree (see chart below).

The biggest disparity between Black men and ‘all men’ in America is with those who have a bachelor’s degree. Only 17% of Black men have a bachelor’s degree compared to 30% of ‘all men’. Second is the number of Black men who finished high school but did not pursue higher education, 35% compared to 28% of ‘all men’.

The percent of Black men who have an associate’s degree (7%) is equal to that of ‘all men’ (7%) in America (see above table). Only 18% of Black men over 25 did not complete high school. This is still higher than the percent for men of all races and ethnic groups together.


African American males ages 16 to 64 had a lower participation rate in the labor force (67%) compared to ‘all males’ (80%) (see below table). Labor force participation refers to the percent of men who were either working or looking for work. Males not in the labor force include those who may be full time students, disabled, and others who are not looking or gave up looking for employment for other reasons.

The 37% of African American males who worked full time all year in 2013 had median earnings of $37,290 in 2013 compared to $48,099 for ‘all men’ (above table). Of Black males ages 16 to 64 years old, 40% had no earningsin 2013 which was higher than the 30% with no earnings of ‘all men’ in the same age group. Also a larger percentage of Black males 16 to 64 were unemployed than for ‘all men’ (11.2% compared to 7.3%) and were living below the poverty level (26%) than ‘all men’ (15%).

Compared to ‘all men’ in the United States Black men who worked were much less likely to work in occupations that may be considered white collar and were much more likely to hold blue collar or service jobs. Only 42% of working Black men held white collar jobs compared to 75% of ‘all men’ (see left chart). For the purpose of the above table white collar occupations include but are not limited to jobs in management, business, computers, office, legal, education, etc. More about Employment…


Blue collar occupations which were held by 36% of working Black men include employment in construction, maintenance and repair, installation, production, transportation, etc. Service occupations include healthcare support, protective service, food preparation and serving, etc.


About 6% of working-age (18-64yrs old) Black men are currently in state or federal prison, or in a municipal jail (see chart right). This is three times higher than the 2% of ‘all men’ in the same age group. What’s even more concerning is that approximately 34%* of all working-age Black men who are not incarcerated are ex-offenders compared to 12% of ‘all men’ which means they have at one point in their lives been convicted of a felony. This data coincides with the increased absence of Black men in the labor force because ex-offenders are prevented from obtaining a large percentage of occupations either by law and are often legally discriminated against by private employers.

Fourteen percent of working-age Black men are veterans of U.S. military which is just slightly lower than all male veterans (15%). A larger percentage of working age Black men are considered disabled (16%) compared to ‘all men’ (11%).



The percentages of Black men who are married and who have never been married are almost the exact opposite of those percentages for ‘all men’ in America (chart). Although 51% of Black men have NEVER been married 50% of ‘all men’ are currently married. Only 32% of Black men are currently married while only 36% of ‘all men’ in America have NEVER been married.

Black men are also slightly more likely to be separated from their spouses (4%) compared to all men at 3%. In addition, Black men are much less likely to outlive their wives and therefore are less likely to be widowed (3%) compared to 10% of ‘all men’.

Black men are more likely to be married than Black women. As a matter of fact, there are about 364,000 more Black men who are married than Black women even though Black women are 51% of the Black population.

Would you believe it’s not about money.  I am a professional Black woman with a salary in the six-figure category and I don’t need or want a man for his money. I want to be a flower in the garden and not compete with XBOX, Facebook etc.

What do you think?  Don’t be shy.  Join the conversation.  Scroll down to the bottom of the page and voice your opinions in the “Comments” section.  Or, write your own commentary and send it to