The Sexual Journey of an Erotic Novelist from 1975 to 2025

It’s 1975, I am living in Chocolate City and Marion Barry was Mayor, the Southwest waterfront section of the city was jumping, the Fox Trappe nightclub was a staple every Saturday night and the Channel Inn was the place you met your married partner who helped to make sure you could stay in the apartment building on “G” Street SW. 

Sex during the 1970’s into the early 1980’s was strictly transactional, and it was about being at the right event at the right time and being seen.  Most of us had excellent jobs and lived well beyond our means.  Sexual partners were really few and far between as living, commuting, working, and entertainment took up most of your time.  Intimacy was fleeting, fucking was standard and not getting pregnant was the chore.  Salacious three-month stands were the norm, with phone calls coming from the local phone booth at 1:00 a.m. just to see if you were up. Getting pregnant was not an option, the art of fellatio and penis manipulation and penile penetration for your partner was the norm. At the time we did not realize that the Chocolate City had numerous bi-sexual men who would not dare come out to their colleagues for fear of being ostracized. So having a real orgasm was something I did not experience until my early 40s.

In the 80’s I was married, raising a family, and became a serial entrepreneur and neglected the sexual satisfaction of myself and my partner.  At times I felt like it was a mutual admiration only for each other as we had both had come a long way from Mulford Street in Pittsburgh, PA. I could not give him what he needed and I did not take the time to receive what he had to give, but in the midst of our sexual dysfunction, we raised a child, ran a business, were caregivers to my parents, built a home, went on the Tom Joyner Cruise and somewhere on the high seas I knew at that moment we had lost each other for good. Sex was good but it was never GREAT, as I spiraled into the depths of menopause and made numerous bad decisions for myself and ultimately my family. 

Circa 2000s I was on a romantic vacation in Savannah Georgia, in a brownstone vacation rental when menopause turned into pause and the weekend was shattered with bloody sheets and towels and lots of vodka. That is when my sexual maturity began.  At the time I was in my late 50s.  Five months later, I had my first real orgasm, and it felt like I had peed all over my partner and it ran down my leg onto the sheets and I grabbed him tightly and apologized for the heat.  All during my 50’s and 60’s sex was off incredible.  New positions were explored, and condom use was a must.  Becoming a professional condom fitter was important as flubbing the condom could take the intimacy out of the entire experience. I learned how to receive a massage and to give one.  I experienced for the first time real intimacy (in-to-me-see) and the power of tantra “Tantric sexuality refers to a range of practices in Hindu and Buddhist tantra that utilize sexual activity in a ritual or yogic context. It is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body.

Tantric love goes beyond conventional sexual experiences, focusing on deepening the connection between partners on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. In Tantra, sexual energy is considered a powerful force that can be harnessed to expand consciousness and strengthen the bond between partners.” 

Younger partners – my philosophy has always been 10 down 3 up.  Have I been afraid of intimacy because of sexual transmitted diseases, no not really for as many partners that I have had over my lifetime, making sure through communication and testing, we knew that with the kind of love making that was being made, multiple partners would be an issue and unsafe.  Dating younger men keeps you on pins and needles as to the depth of the relationship. It is something that I have not enjoyed for long.  But for a good year, it is a delicious “battle royale.”

Ages sixty-five to seventy – what an amazing experience of orgasmic emotions.  Surely, I could have had this type of sexual satisfaction earlier had I let myself believe that multiple orgasmic sensations was a gift from nature. Sex between 65 to now has been awesome and frustrating at the same time.  As we lose partners at this age and some of your partners are no longer in the erectile producing capability.  But thanks to Cialis, tantra, porn and time, an intimate relationship now is better than it has ever been. 

The Journey – Sex After 60

Tell us about your sexual journey.  What would you do differently and how you can improve the journey going forward.  Send your 2–3-page journey to May2154@hotmail.com. Selection for submission will be done by The Premier Online Magazine for Black Men – An All-Inclusive Website

The Journey – Sex After 60 – The Sexual Journey of an Erotic Novelist

The Saga Continues by Donna M. Gray Banks

Circa 2000s I was on a romantic vacation in Savannah Georgia, in a brownstone vacation rental when menopause turned into pause and the weekend was shattered with bloody sheets and towels and lots of vodka. That is when my sexual maturity began.  Thinking about before that weekend, and what had culminated to that point, it was the end of an era of women hood. No more eggs would be generated, no more menstrual cycles and for two years after that weekend, I could have cared less about sex with a man.  Your body literally shuts down and your sexual interest becomes null and void.

Back then the Doctor’s immediately placed you on Estrogen to help jump start your sexual interest and help with bone density.  Twenty years later, you get a notice that Estrogen plays a significant role in the development of breast cancer, particularly in estrogen-dependent cancers, where it can stimulate the growth of cancer cells.

As I turned 70 years old, a substantial portion of my female circle tested positive for breast cancer.  Now all of it was not due to Estrogen, some had a hereditary history, but the core ingredient for all of us is that we were placed on estrogen therapy during and right after menopause. Not saying estrogen had anything to do with it, but my moles on my body increased and became large. To this day the moles must be removed and sent out for biopsy.  Then the walls of your vagina begin to dry up like the Sierra Desert, and KY jelly is brought by the case to make sure it is available anytime the opportunity comes to have sex.   Then you find out right when your partners sexuality and ability to keep an erection has also diminished and you become angry because now that you know you can’t get pregnant, you got your hormones under control with diet and exercise, now you have to become a penis hand stroker with arthritic hands and you get mad at your partner, he cannot maintain an erection and your hands can only stroke for 10 minutes before cramping up to the point you have to take Tylenol.  You sit back and think about all the erections you passed up and you can kick yourself in the head. 

So, what is a woman to do?  You dump your older gentleman friend and become a delicious cougar on the hunt for an erection that will last at least 15 minutes.  Only to find out that younger men make love like a porn star and have no idea what intimacy is.  Everything they learned about sex happened during COVID as they spent 2019-2023 watching porn.

The U.S. national emergency to respond to the COVID-19 pandemic ended Monday as President Joe Biden signed a bipartisan congressional resolution to bring it to a close after three years — weeks before it was set to expire alongside a separate public health emergency.* (Biden ends COVID national emergency after Congress acts : NPR)

After spending endless night rubbing your vagina with hydrogen peroxide to end the soreness from a younger man who hit you from the front and the back lake a jack hammer, with not even a kiss, or an intimate moment and he lays across the bed asking you to tell him how good it was.  While you look at the ceiling wondering how much time you would have to spend in his presence without seeming rude.  For one-hour you make small talk and tell him you have an early morning meeting that you forgot about, you jump up and say “Oh shit, I forgot I have an 8:00 AM Zoom meeting of which I am the lead and you have to look your best on camera and please excuse me for leaving so soon.”  He walks you to your car and you try your best not to peel off by doing 60 miles an hour to get away from his presence.

One week later you start to itch, and a yellowish white smelly substance lay on your panty liner like a badge of courage and a picture of remembrance of the night with the jack hammer and you know he has given you chlamydia.  Now you are angry, yes, but angrier at yourself as you had condoms in your purse. Now your seventy-year-old ass must call the Obgyn for an appointment to get vaginal medicine and maybe an antibiotic.  As the days went on and you are taking the 8 days of antibiotic and asking yourself, is the “Juice Worth The Squeeze,” and on a sunny day in January a Black man with Mary Jane candy colored skin walks in your office and your uterus meets him at the door and so the saga begins. 

The Journey – Sex After 60

Tell us about your sexual journey.  What would you do differently and how can you improve the journey going forward?  Send your 1-2-page journey to May2154@hotmail.com.  Selection for submission will be done by The Premier Online Magazine for Black Men – An All-Inclusive Website

Donna M. Gray-Banks has been writing fiction since 2008 and is the author of the Ila’s Diamond series — four steamy novels that blend erotica, espionage, and murder into an unforgettable reading experience. But her journey isn’t just about characters and plots. It’s about power, freedom, aging, sensuality, and the sacred art of telling the truth through fiction.

As the Founder and Director of the nationally acclaimed F.R.E.S.H. Book Festival in Daytona Beach, Donna has spent years championing authors and cultivating literary community. Now, she turns her pen inward — and invites us along for the ride.