A Grandfather’s Visit To the Braiding Salon: What I Learned About Black Women and Their Hair

By Gary Johnson

June 6, 2024

Why is this post about Black women and “black hair” being featured on a Black male online magazine? Because, I am a Black grandfather, with 3 Black granddaughters. And like many people, I did not understand the enormous complexities that Black women and girls experience connected to their hair as little girls that continue throughout their adult life.

I raised boys and was blessed to have 3 granddaughters. Last week, I was asked to take my 8-year-old granddaughter to the beauty shop to get her hair braided. That was a unique experience. I was briefed in advance that this could be a difficult visit as my granddaughter’s last several visits included a lot of tears and crying to the point where the beautician was upset because she did not want to hurt her. In fact, I was told that at her last visit, my granddaughter cried to the point where a waiting customer, went next door to the “cupcake store” to give her a treat to distract her and stop her from crying.

Given this information, I put on my “Granddad Hat” and talked to my granddaughter about her fear and why she was afraid. As she explained her fears, I was able to take her down a path of “focused logic” that an 8-year-old could understand. I acknowledged some of her fears and was able to get her to accept or manage that some of her fears were overblown or imagined. She explained that the shop smelled like “nasty chemicals.” We talked about how that’s not pleasant and I explained that some of the products that make your hair look and smell good are chemicals and that the smell doesn’t last forever.

I used to coach Fortune 500 and top government and military executives. I earned many certifications throughout my career. I had NOTHING to lose transferring these skills to help a scared 8-year-old girl navigate what she believed to be a traumatic experience.

Rule #1: Deal with people from where they are, accept that what they say and feel is “REAL” to them, and then develop your plan to help them with those key factors in mind.

When we walked into the salon all eyes were on us. I heard a voice say: “Do you know who you’re here to see?” Before I could answer I heard another voice say: “She’s down here. I got her.” The ladies in the shop seemed nice enough. I started to walk my granddaughter to the booth and after 2-steps she stopped me and said, “Granddad, I got this.” I smiled, sat down on the sofa and tried to make myself invisible with my 6’ 4” frame. “Old school” music was playing throughout the shop. I looked around the shop and pulled out my cellphone to review messages.

At one point I thought I smelled something burning. I looked up and saw a smoke cloud rising toward the ceiling from one of the booths. No one was screaming. In fact, no one even flinched, so I directed my attention back to my cellphone. Being the only man in the shop, I felt like a “black tuxedo in brown shoes.” I didn’t quite match up and did not want to stand out by jumping up and yelling: “FIRE!” That kind of overreacting to the smoke cloud would only serve to draw unwanted attention to my being there and embarrass my granddaughter who was sitting in the chair playing a video game on her Nintendo Switch video game console.

1 hour and 56 minutes later my girl was done. Not one tear. All the hairdressers looked at me. I asked if everything was OK. I was wondering if I violated an unwritten beauty shop rule or something. Her hairdresser looked at me and said: “This is a first for her. She did not cry at all. I hope to see you next time.” Wow! All those certifications and classes and lab skills for adults, transferred to this child and yielded a wildly successful outcome.

I had a HUGE smile on my face. My granddaughter jumped out of the chair and walked toward me with a HUGE smile on her face. It was Friday evening, and the sun was still out. The weather was great. I think both of us skipped to the car like two characters in a fairy-tale. We were damn near giddy. We got in the car, and I said, “That wasn’t so bad. Was it?” She said, “No,” I want to go to Wendy’s for dinner. I was so happy that she could have said, “I want to go to Ruth Chris Steakhouse, and I would have said, “Ruth Chris it is!”

I shared my first beauty shop experience on social media. The response was not what I expected. I got the customary chuckles and kudos, but a few women responded in a way that moved me emotionally. They thanked me for sharing my story because it caused them to reframe their reality and attitude about young girls crying in the beauty shop. Instead of being annoyed at the little girls, they said my article caused them to realize that some of these girls are experiencing some low-level trauma and fear, something that as grown women, they never considered. WOW!

Here we are 5-days later, I decided to reflect on my interactions with women in my life going back to high school and how I treated them because of their hair or their chose of hairstyle.

That “look back” was uncomfortable. I was an insensitive, self-serving “jack ass.”

I began to wonder how many ignorant and mis-guided comments, and questions women had to respond to or NOT respond to from spouses, boyfriends, co-workers, and family members about a topic that has very little or NOTHING to do with the person making the comment or asking the question.

I had to learn the hard way. Years ago, I made a very insensitive comment about my wife’s hair, when she came home from the salon. My comment was based more on what I thought looked good and how I felt, completely ignoring her circumstances and situation. Looking back, I chalk that and similar incidents to my youth. I didn’t know any better. I was in my mid-50’s. Thank goodness, I’m in “recovery” today.

I decided to do some “light” academic research on the topic of Black women and their experiences with hair. I added my experiences growing up watching my great aunts, grandmother, ladies in the neighborhood “do hair.” I added years of dating Black women and their different hairstyles, along with decades of marriage and watching a few documentaries and reading articles. I became aware of a play written by Jocelyn Bioh, who is a Ghanaian American writer, playwright and actor. Her play, “JaJa’s African Hair Braiding,” follows the day in the life of customers and braiders at the fictional hair braiding salon featuring West African immigrant hair braiders. Again, I gained additional perspective about the world of hair braiding.

The mainstream media (old school) and social media have played a large role in shaping how we think about Black and natural hairstyles. The film, “My Nappy Roots: A Journey Through Black Hair-itage,” directed by Regina Kimbell comedian Chris Rock’s would “Good Hair,” focus on the economics of black women buying weaves and perming their hair. The late comedian Paul Mooney had one of the most memorable lines in the movie when he said, “If your hair is relaxed, they are relaxed. If your hair is nappy, they are not happy.”

I haven’t even touched on the caps, weaves, paints, gels and other haircare products that you can buy to change your look, or the microaggressions and related comments about hair such as:

“Your hair looks good “today.”
“Oh, I see you did your hair.”
“Can I touch your hair?”
“Is that a weave?”

To bring awareness to this issue, Dove and LinkedIn co-commissioned the 2023 CROWN Workplace Research Study, detailing the systemic social and economic impact of hair bias and discrimination against Black women in the workplace in 2023, further proving the urgent need for change. CROWN is an acronym for Create a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair.

Together, Dove and LinkedIn have made a suite of free LinkedIn Learning Courses that support a more equitable work environment for all LinkedIn users, with a goal to educate 1 million hiring managers and workplace professionals by the end of 2023. Visit Dove.com/LinkedIn to learn more.

The CROWN 2023 Workplace Research Study examined the societal causes and detrimental effects of hair discrimination on Black women in the workplace. From biased perceptions to unfair policies. Here are some of the results of the study:

Black women’s hair is 2.5x more likely to be perceived as unprofessional.
Approximately 2/3 of Black women (66%) change their hair for a job interview. Among them, 41% changed their hair from curly to straight.
Sixty-six percent of Black women would change their hair for a job interview.
Black women with coily/textured hair are 2x as likely to experience microaggressions in the workplace than Black women with straighter hair.
Over 20% of Black women 25-34 have been sent home from work because of their hair.
Nearly half (44%) of Black women under age 34 feel pressured to have a headshot with straight hair.
25% of Black women believe they have been denied a job interview because of their hair, which is even higher for women under 34 (1/3).

“It can be taxing having to explain your hair,” Reba says. “It’s difficult and disappointing that people perpetuate the notion that what’s healthiest for you and what’s best for you is not always what’s deemed professional. That can have a [harmful] impact on people.” –Reba Letsa, (Litigation Associate at Baker Donelson)

Watch these videos of Black women discussing their hair.

I NEVER stopped to think about if my 3 granddaughters’ early experiences with their hair can have a negative impact on them, and if so, what the impact could be. If “hair” discrimination is like “regular” discrimination, the affects can last throughout a person’s lifetime, both in terms of experiencing discrimination and the long-term effects it can have on confidence and self-esteem.

The 2021 CROWN Research Study for Girls shows that:

53% of Black mothers say their daughters have experienced racial discrimination based on hairstyles as early as five years old.
66% of Black children in majority-white schools have faced race-based hair discrimination.
86% of those children have experienced it by the age of 12.
90% of Black children stating that their hair is beautiful, 81% of Black children in majority-white schools say they sometimes wish their hair was straight.
100% of Black elementary school girls in majority-white schools (who report experiencing hair discrimination) experienced discrimination by the age of 10.

The Dove company has a children’s YouTube series, “Gracie’s Corner,” celebrating the beauty of natural hair. The character Gracie enlightens her audience and parents about the significance of embracing and loving their hair.

So, what have I learned about Black women and their hair over the past few decades? I’ve learned:

Some Black women are defined by their hair in both positive and negative ways.
For some Black women, hair is sacred.
Hair braiding is an art. (You sit in that chair for hours as some “Picasso” transforms your head into a unique and visual masterpiece).
Hair braiding is expensive (in terms of your time and money).
The topic of Black women and their hair is complicated.
Many Black women (and men) have experienced discrimination and harassment in the workplace based on their hairstyle. Discrimination cases filed by Black workers alleging discrimination against their natural hair in the workplace have filled courthouses for more than forty years, yielding mixed results.
There is a national “natural hair” movement with online resources educating the masses.

In conclusion, I hope my granddaughters and the next generation of Black girls don’t have to go through any of the negative experiences that I researched. I also hope that young girls will not lose their sense of self about who they are and allow outside forces to define them because of their hair.

Resources:

About The Author

Gary Johnson is the Founder and Publisher of Black Men In America.com, an online news and magazine, Black Boating and Yachting.com and several other online sites. Gary is also the author of the book 25 Things That Really Matter In Life : A Quick and Comprehensive Guide To Making Your Life Better—Today! and a contributing author to The Black Father Perspective: What We Want America To Know, and In Search of Fatherhood – Transcending Boundaries: International Conversations on Fatherhood.

In 2019, Gary developed a line of spices under the name of “MasterChef Gary’s Premium Organic Seasoning.” In 2021, Gary launched a motivational website and talk show called “Calculations Talk Show.”

In 2022, Gary became a strategist for a group of Black farmers (Justice For Black Farmers) and launched a website and podcast in support of Black farmers. He also launched another website and podcast to debate current news and information from a multi-generational perspective featuring 3 hosts. That show and website is called “The Thought Brothers.”

In 2023, Gary shifted his focus from training and consulting to public relations and social media and launched Gary Johnson Media, LLC.

In 2024, Gary launched “Gary’s Weight Loss Journey,” a motivational website detailing his years long struggle with weight to help others get and stay motivated to lose weight. As of June 2024, Gary has lost over 60 lbs. For information about Gary Johnson and his passions and businesses, visit his official website at Gary Johnson Media.