Hey! I’m Snooky the Cab Driver. Some say I’m the most famous (and most controversial) Taxi Cab Driver in America. I give advice on women, relationships, jobs and other things that cause problems in your life. I only have one rule: “Don’t ask the question, if you really don’t want to hear the answer.” Writing a letter to me is like going on The Jerry Springer Show—you know what you’re gonna get. If you don’t like my advice (which is FREE) or feel that you need a second opinion, then I strongly recommend that you PAY for some advice (which will sound a lot like what I already told you with just bigger words). It’s your money. In any event, you should always seek competent professional advice before acting upon the information contained herein.
If you want practical advice that you can use, send your questions to me via email@example.com.
For relationship advice from a female perspective visit the incomparable LaDawn Black’s column “Tell It To LaDawn.”
“One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is selecting a mate that you think you know and hoping that they turn out to be the person of your dreams. Love, or what you think is love, may prevent you from asking the tough questions in a relationship. Sometimes the person that you need to direct the tough questions to is yourself.” Snooky Snook
I hope this letter finds you having a great day. I’m usually the one giving the advice, but since it is my situation, I can’t see so clear into the reality of it all. I need the heartfelt truth from the heart and mind of a man about men. I could stay on here for days with quite a few questions and would love to dive deep into answers. These relationship problems have been going on for some time and I haven’t talked to anyone yet. I have been in love with this guy for 3 years. He even moved in with myself and my two older children. That’s when the problems started.
1. He wasn’t much a fan of my parenting skills and made it quite clear that they didn’t respect me and I needed to handle things different…like make sure they did the dishes, and they can’t have a cup or plate left in their bedrooms and if they do… he would start to put them on their beds. My children didn’t care for him to much (their dad walked out on us so they weren’t big on another man with their mom. It would always become an argument (to him anyway). I feel he put to much time into their behavior rather then making the foundation of our relationship first. after 9 months, he moved out saying he couldn’t take it anymore. He moved back home to his mom’s house. Ages… he is 44 now and I am 48 (a young 48) lol
2. He says he hates to argue..and I know he came out a relationship that they argued a lot. When he hears something he doesn’t like…and gets frustrated… he says “I can’t do this…I’m done”. We won’t speak for a
1-3 days…and he calls me to say “I hate arguing and when I say that’s enough… just learn to quite it”.
3. We stuck it out though and he says he want’s a future with me. He recently over 2000 miles back to where he lived for 15 years. His older sons are there and some other family. He said he was going to get himself together, grow up, get a job (he wasn’t working before he left) and send for me when things got settled if I want to join him. He has called me everyday since being there (a few months) and for the last month, has asked me to come there and is really pressing me to come. He says things like “why aren’t you here” I want you here like yesterday”. “I miss you so much” “you’re the one I want to wake up with everyday for the rest of my life”…etc… But… I also found out he has been on dating sites OH ABOUT 10 OF THEM!!!!!!!! The same time he is telling me all this love talk, he is on on-line dating sites. I went on some of the sites and found him…so, I made myself up a little acct. and went on myself to see if he would talk to me and to see just what he would say. Well he did talk to me…he ended up telling this girl (me) how he had a bad relationship back home but what a great lady I am and would never say anything bad. I let him know I knew everything. Then I just didn’t speak to him for 2 weeks. He called to say he was sorry and he knows I’m hurt…but he says the main problem was… that I’m not there. He wants me to come there so he can treat me the way I want to be treated.
4. I have a house in deep foreclosure…(he says I’m putting that ahead of him )
5. I have 2 children who depend on me still
6. I’m still dealing with in court with my ex over child support and arrears.
7. My dad lives by himself and starting to forget everything and is grieving the loss of his wife/my mom.
8. This is far away…I would be leaving everything behind and just jump on a plane
9 and to top it off…he says we are not together but If i decided to go we would be.
Hope this letter isn’t to hard to handle, If so I will understand…like one of my friends say…girl your in some pickle. Thanks for your time.
Holding It together in NY.
Dear Holding It Together in NY:
No letter yet has been too strong for me to answer. OK. Where do I start? How about from the beginning. I’ll try and use bullet points to highlight the key areas for you to consider. I’m gonna give it to you straight with no chaser.
- The difference in how you two parent will not go away. But that issue pales in comparison to the rest of this letter. I’m not quite sure why you let him move it, but that’s not the crux of this letter so I will move on.
- I gotta tell you, I was a little uneasy to read that he moved away to get himself together, grow up and get a job. You shouldn’t have to move away to get those things. In fact, he should have HAD those things BEFORE he move it. (I know, I said I was going to look forward and leave that moving in issue alone).
- Let’s get to the dating sites. As you say “ABOUT 10 OF THEM!” This is where you “pump your brakes,” come to a complete STOP and “Just Say No!” Brother man was BUSTED. Of course he’s going to apologize. It was not lost on me that he apologized but NEVER accepted responsibility for lying and being deceitful. He put the blame on you by saying he did that because you weren’t there. Let me translate that for you: “If you are not here with me I cannot be honest and faithful.” You are dealing with a Man/Child.
- You list 9 reasons why it would be difficult for you to leave.
Here’s the bottom line. If you leave and go to him, you will have NO support system and will lose any independence that you have. You will be more dependent on him and that is not SMART for a mother of two children who need her. Moving to join him makes you very vulnerable and will surely lead to self-doubt and unhappiness.
Don’t do it! Let him grow up. He should be able to grow up without you being there. If he can’t leave his ass there. Do not lower your standards and relocate. Put your attention on making a better life for you and your kids and your father.
That’s how I see it. Hope this helps.
Snooky you made a good point. I wish I would have read your advice to my earlier letter because I failed with the Marine today. I took a day off. After my Marine friend got through playing golf this morning, he texted me. I told him I was home. He asked to come over. I said, “Yes.” I figured this would be a good time and a quiet time since my son was at school to END the relationship. He came over, he hugged me and tried to give me a passionate kiss. But I pulled away. Here’s the dialogue.
Marine: “Baby what’s wrong?”
Me: “Oh wow, you have silver strings of hair in your beard. I didn’t notice that the last time we met.”
Marine: “Yes just like your silver strings in your hair. So who’s older than you?”
Me: “Well I am the oldest. We go to Starbucks and pick up two Lattes and come back to my place.”
Marine: He immediately gives me another hug, he picks me up, and my bedroom door is open. He takes me in there; lays me on the bed.
Me: I stop him. “I said, “We need to seriously talk.”
Marine: “I know. I know. You can have my undivided attention later. But right now, my body is about to explode.” He pulls up my dress, I have no panties on, he get’s up, and he goes to my bathroom, comes out with a big towel and place it underneath me. He raises my dress back up again, supports my thigh in an upward level, “Let’s see how this Latté taste with this kind of cream.” He pours the warm beverage on my pussy and starts licking the coffee off. He repeats it 3 or 4 more times.
In all of my life, I never had that done before, but that was exciting! It was a different sensational feeling. Next thing I knew, his manhood was thrusting inside my pussy with all of his might. He started dripping with sweat! Then that last thrust; he let out a LOUD moan; Then his body collapsed on top of my body.
Marine: “You make me so vulnerable.”
Me: “I like you also.”
Marine: “Ssh. Please don’t mess up my good nut.”
Me. “Fine!” I got up to cleaned myself, came back and cleaned him. Went back to the bathroom and got dress, when I came out he was already dress. I had to leave to go and pick up my son so he left also. But he promise we were going to really talk the next time. Which will be this coming Saturday.
Snooky, how do I break up with this guy?
Signed, Nothing Permanent
Dear Nothing Permanent:
Young lady, if you cannot control your emotions then do not get in the same room with the young Marine. I’ve never met you, but you are obviously one hot babe and you must have a sensuality about you that make you irresistible to men. That being said, you can’t keep having sex with the guy and telling me that you don’t want to be with him. You enjoy the sex, you enjoy his company and he’s not hitting you up for money. It seems to me that this is a nice guy. I read what you said about the age difference. Make up your mind. Tell the guy that you are not looking for a long term relationship. Tell him that he is a “boy toy” for you. If he doesn’t like it, you will not see him again. It’s just that simple. And yes, send him an e-mail message and do not see him again or let him in your home if you really don’t want to see him. Every time he gets a chance to see you, he will want to have sex with you. He can’t help it, apparently you are sexual dynamo. I would love to see what you look like. Why don’t you send your boy Snooky some sexy pics so I can see what all the fuss is about surrounding you.
My husband and I have been married for a year and his ex-wife/BM (Baby Momma) has been making our life hell. It’s the usual BM antics; using the kids as pawns, being difficult with visitation time and all the BS that goes into “Parental Alienation” and “Mission Destroy Step-Momma.” I will not waste your time with the details as I am sure you have heard them all before. The relationship between my husband and his ex-wife has gotten so bad the courts had to intervene and arrange a visitation schedule for my husband. Now, anytime we arrange to pick up the kids, if I am involved with the outings, it’s NO. When it’s his parenting time, she wants no one else around but him…and her, of course. My husband explained to her that he is married and he refuses to exclude me every time he wants to spend time with his children. The fact the kids love me makes her more determined to X me out during parenting time.
My husband is an excellent father and this really weighs heavily on his heart because he loves his children so much. Over the weekend they had yet another heated argument because I was included in the plans he had with the kids. This morning he emailed BM to let her know how he felt about all of tension between them and how it affected their children and basically he wanted to call a truce. What bothered me was he told her that he would respect her wishes and not include me when they meet up for pick up/drop offs or when she brings them to the fun places we usually go with the children (she is not allowed at our house and vice versa). I’m truly upset about this because not only do I love spending time with them, but I feel he is allowing her to over step her boundaries. I would never allow my child’s father to dictate the participation my husband has with my child.
Am I valid in the way I feel? Would you ever exclude your wife when it came to spending time with your kids? I’m not expecting to be involved 100% every time because I believe they do need one on one time with him, but come on! Enough is enough. This woman feels she is owed the world and can control him because she gave birth to his children! I am so out done….what are your thoughts?
Dear Out Done:
This may be above my pay grade, but I must tell you, you’re feelings are spot on. Hubby is making a big mistake and is setting a precedent that he will live to regret. This is not good. You are his wife and you have value to add to the lives of those children. The wife and your husband need to make decisions that are in the best interest of those children. He may be a great father, but I feel, he made a huge mistake. Talk to him (if he’ll listen). Cutting you out of the picture, is taking something away from the kids, weakening his position as a man and feeding the interest of his dysfunctional and selfish baby’s mama.
I am a 42-year-old black woman with one hell of a sex drive. I know this because I have had this sex drive since I was 15 years old and it only improves with age. Me and my 34-year-old (southern boy) husband have been married for 9 years. He says that I wear him out and with my constant “demands” for sex (I only want it once a day and twice on Saturdays and Sundays). I will actually just settle for 4 days a week and once on Saturday and Sunday, but he can only handle 3 days a week once on weekends (he works 2 jobs). He knew this coming into the relationship but he expected my “drive” to weaken the older I get. The problem is, I may get older chronologically, but not physically or sexually. I look like I am 25 years old and have a damn good body. I am too much woman for him, he says. What should I do Snooky? I love my husband so much my heart aches. He still makes my knees weak and people are always amazed at the obvious sexual charge between us when we are in public. Also, he is damn good in bed (we are damn good in bed) orgasms guaranteed. But for me it is never enough. What can I do? My trigger finger stays busy. It’s so untrue that men want it more than women. Men set themselves up for this.
Happily Married But Sexually Deprived
Dear Happily Married But Sexually Deprived:
I think I love you. Wow! Seriously, I kind of know how your husband feels. I dated a woman once who was six years older than I was and had a sex drive similar to yours. However, in my case it didn’t cause any problems because I loved it. There was chemistry and whenever we were in a room everyone knew that there was something strong between us. I can see where this would be frustrating for you. I get the sense that you have tried talking this thing out and talking is no substitute for good sex. I would not advocate or suggest that you try and satisfy your needs outside of the marriage. Many people do this and things appear to work out, however, the odds say that this is not the way to go. Based on your description you love this man. That comes through loud and clear. I don’t want to get too personal, but I must ask a couple of more questions. Have you tried self-satisfaction to hold you over until your husband recovers? What about pleasure tools and devices? Perhaps your husband can get creative and let his tongue do the talking and carry some of the load. I get the sense that you are willing to experiment and try new things when it comes to sexual satisfaction. Most guys will read your letter and wish they had a woman who couldn’t get enough sex. I know one thing. If you were my woman, your letter would read as follows:
My man is wearing my ass out. He has a white-collar job, but when it comes to pleasing me, he brings his lunch pail and his thermos. His ass comes to work—and work he does. He drills me like a jackhammer and then flips me four ways from Sunday. I start to stutter when I think about that tongue of his. What’s a woman to do?”
Can Hardly Walk Or Wait
Dear “Can Hardly Walk or Wait”:
It sounds like you have a good man. Remember, your man is working two jobs. You need to be a little more thoughtful and considerate. You probably already know this. It’s your body and that strong sex drive that’s doing all of the talking. Hopefully, some advice will come your way. Good luck.
My boss is pressuring me for sex. She’s 47, fat and overweight with a cute face, not that that means anything. I’m 26 and in good shape. I don’t want to get with her. She grabbed my ass at the vending machine and complimented me on my jeans. She told me that if I stayed late at night and worked with her she could see to it that I have a bright future with the company. Snooky, I’m about the work. I don’t want to get busy with her, but I’m afraid that she’ll make life rough for me. Help!
This is a serious matter. You should not have to deal with this kind of pressure at work. Tell your boss that you think she’s hitting on you and you are uncomfortable with what you see as her pressuring you. If your company has a policy on harassment, read it and become familiar with your rights as an employee. You don’t have to make a federal case out of this situation. Your goal is to get the behavior to STOP!
I am a single, twenty-something woman who has been having a sexual relationship with a man that I’ve known for almost a year now. The sex is awesome and I really dig his personality, the only problem is that he only sees me when he wants sex. We talk over the phone often but we never go out on dates or just spend time together doing anything that isn’t sexual. I can’t blame him for viewing me this way because after all I did give it up on our first (and only) date and every since that
first date he only sees me for booty calls. I’m torn because I really want more from this relationship but I don’t know how to go about telling him.
I already know that once a man sees a woman as only good enough to see every once in a while for sex it’s difficult to get him to look at her any other way per the old saying “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”. I have already refused the last couple of booty calls that I received from him hoping that would be the first step to letting him know that I want more than that. Snooky, how should I approach this man to let him know my true feelings? Do you think there’s any hope for a romantic, committed relationship or should I just move on? My body is telling me to stay but my heart is telling me that nothing will prosper from this and to leave him alone once and for all. What do you think?
Tasha, Brooklyn, NY
Tasha don’t listen to your body, listen to your mind. You are obviously well spoken and I get the sense that you are very fine. When you’ve been around as long as I have, you can pick out who is fine and who has “Grade A” stuff (if you know what I mean). There is no doubt in my mind young lady that you have the right stuff. Now let’s get to the matter at hand.
What were you thinking to give it up on the first date? If this guy
had any kind of potential as a mate, you ruined it by giving him that good
stuff of yours so soon. Now all you have is a “fuck buddy” and you’re “stuck like Chuck” in a one dimensional relationship.
Good for you for not giving in to these recent booty calls but I’m afraid its too late. There is very little reason for “boyfriend” uh er “fuck buddy” to change. It’s not impossible, but it’s highly unlikely that he will change. It’s a shame because you seem to be well rounded and have a lot on the ball.
Now let’s look at the other side of this coin. What would brother man say about this relationship? When you give it up the first night you have freak written all over you. I’m sure you served it up too.
Good pussy comes with a price. This is where we men get tripped up. We can’t seem to get away from good stuff. One of my fellow taxi buddies (White Boy Steve) has a saying that rings true. He’s always saying: “Snooky, I don’t want no pussy that good.”
You need to sit brother man down and tell him that you want a real relationship. Define for him what that means. In fact you may want to highlight what a real date consists of (don’t assume anything). Be real clear about what your needs are or they won’t get met.
Understand this young lady: You’re not the only woman giving it up on the first date–and that’s the problem. Relationships function like the economy, in that they rely on supply side economics. If you cut him off, he’ll find another supplier. Your stuff may be good and you may know how to serve it up, but to a man there’s no such thing as bad pussy. It’s all good! Some is just better than others. There’s plenty more where that came from. Your only hope is to have some good stuff, serve it up often and not be crazy.
What have we learned today boys and girls? Answer: Most of the freaks out here are crazy. If you’re not crazy, you have a slim chance. How slim you ask? The same odds of me surviving walking in a lion’s den with greasy pork chop underwear.
I hate to be so graphic, but I really love my sisters. I want you to hear the real deal so you can make the necessary adjustments. Follow your heart and be prepared to move on without him. You won’t be sorry. You’re short changing yourself when you feel that you have to give it up on the first date. You’re better than that. Let me know how things turn out.
I have a 51-year old – new, Asian wife (very sexy for her age). Here’s my dilemma. I have never made love to a woman that gets as wet as she does. When I am inside her, I can clearly hear her moisture going “Squish, Squish.”
I mean its really, really wet down there. I have previously made love to women that get moist on a normal level, but I have never seen anything like this.
Anyway, it turns me on to love my wife and I want to ask her, why she gets so wet down there, but I don’t want her to become shy and get tense during our love-making. I’m wondering is this normal or what!!! Can you answer that?
I am 38 year old, but when I was a younger man and I released my sperm during an orgasm, it would be so powerful, I could darn-near shoot it across the room, almost like urine. Then all of a sudden, it stopped!!! Just like that, there’s just gushing with no power. I can’t explain what happened since that day. Can you?
Thanks much, holla……….”E”
TMI! TMI! (Too Much Information). Whoa! Look here. Some women are like spare ribs. You got your wet ribs and your dry ribs. One rib is not any better than the other–they’re just different. With your dry rib, you have to put your own sauce on it to make it moist. The wet ribs are so moist and tender that you end up wearing a bib because they’re so juicy. Same thing in your case. There’s nothing wrong brother! Congratulations! You’re married to a rack of wet ribs. Get your rain slicker, your duck shoes and just continue to “aqua boogie.” Whatever you do, don’t slip and fall with all that fluid over there. As far as asking her why she gets wet. Why? Leave it alone. You’ve got a rack of slow cooked and aged (51-year old) wet ribs! Be happy.
Now regarding your second question about your “Super Soaker” gushing orgasms, I wouldn’t worry about it. Be glad that you can get it up, get it going and get it right! This ain’t target practice. I can’t explain it. Just handle your business.