Hey! I’m Snooky the Cab Driver. Some say I’m the most famous (and most controversial) Taxi Cab Driver in America. I give advice on women, relationships, jobs and other things that cause problems in your life. I only have one rule: “Don’t ask the question, if you really don’t want to hear the answer.” Writing a letter to me is like going on The Jerry Springer Show—you know what you’re gonna get. If you don’t like my advice (which is FREE) or feel that you need a second opinion, then I strongly recommend that you PAY for some advice (which will sound a lot like what I already told you with just bigger words). It’s your money. In any event, you should always seek competent professional advice before acting upon the information contained herein.
If you want practical advice that you can use, send your questions to me via Snooky@blackmeninamerica.com.
For relationship advice from a female perspective visit the incomparable LaDawn Black’s column “Tell It To LaDawn.”
Posted December 10, 2017
I am a 25 year old woman who was recently broken up with. Prior to this relationship I never thought I would be able to open myself back up again because my previous boyfriend was a verbally abusive alcoholic who shattered my self-esteem. During that abusive relationship I was sexually assaulted which added more fuel to the fire.
However, I sought out therapy to heal. I met my most recent ex bf Titus, who is 24, last summer. He is amazing, good natured, respectful, trustworthy and was so supportive of me, my dreams and was supportive of me when I opened up to him about my assault, which was a huge relief. It was hard to open myself back up but I did, it was the most healthy and supportive relationship I’ve experienced and its gone.
About a month ago he broke up with me because he told me he is at a time in his life where he cannot look outside of himself for anyone else. He says he hasn’t been feeling good about himself internally for awhile and started to withdraw and ignore me off and on for a few days before breaking it off, telling me that he wasn’t intentionally trying to ignore me but that he was feeling down. He says he cares about me greatly and likes me a lot and this has nothing to do with how he feels about me or it being about another woman but that he has real things to work on within himself. I am hurt and confused on why I am not good enough for him to work on his issues alongside me. I am paranoid that even though he said it has nothing to do with someone else that maybe he cheated and just didn’t tell me. He went on an abroad trip by himself for about 4 weeks in which we talked everyday but I am now driving myself insane thinking he was intimate with someone there, even though he told me that he was not and I’ve never had any fears about him cheating until now I guess because I am trying to piece everything together.
I am now questioning my self worth, I feel broken and used and that I wont ever be loved. I tried reaching out to him for closure and he ignored me, its as if I don’t exist and my anxiety is taking over.
How can I heal my broken heart? How can I stop driving myself crazy about obsessive thoughts of him cheating? How can I accept this breakup?
lost and confused
Dear Lost and Confused:
Some of my advice will be difficult for you to put into practice because you have history and words are easier said and done. Men are tricky and complex, but from all indications, you’re going to have to take your guy at his word and STOP manufacturing things for which you have no evidence. I’m not saying that you should ignore your gut feelings or instincts. I am saying that you should not be worrying about things that you have no proof.
Just because he broke up with you now does not mean that the relationship is ended forever. However, you need to live in the moment and deal with things as they ARE and not how you WANT them to be.
If he says that he has not been feeling good about himself and his stepping away from you is what he feels is in HIS best interest and it’s probably in your best interest too. If he’s not on his A-game you will not be happy because he will not be in a position to be the best that he can be for you. Don’t force him to try and work you in. Anything along these lines is the equivalent of lowering your standards. If anything you need to RAISE your standards.
You’ve been through a lot. Healing is a long process. His stepping away from you, as painful as it feels, may actually be an act of LOVE. You want your partner to be at his best. Trying to get him to be with you when he can’t manage only forces him to sell you short and possibly tell you lies. You deserve better than that. Use this time alone to refocus your energy as part of the healing process.
Write down one or two goals for what you want in a relationship and read those goals every day. The energy on this earth will slowly drive you toward those goals and you will soon find yourself moving in a positive direction. Be patient and allow this man his space and honor his wishes. I will assume that he is being honest with you.
Don’t wish for or follow trouble. Let him go. If he can get his act together he may find that life without is not working for him and he will find a way back in your life. Until then, look forward and work on YOU!
I know it hurts, but accept what he tells you and move on.
Hi my name is XXXXXX and I need advice.
I met a military guy who had been married for 10 years and divorced for 2 years with no kids on POF In November of 2016 after 11 years of just raising my son and celibacy and being highly religious. We talked for about a month and then decided to meet in person. We met and I did the stupid thing of sleeping with him the same night. I felt ok afterwards and we proceeded to pursue a relationship but he broke up with me a week later saying he felt I wasn’t invested. We continued to talk and have sex becoming Friends with Benefits (FWB). We were on and off for months after I would say I wanted more than Friends with Benefits (FWB) situation. Fast forward to March I move in with him with my son. because we literally spent every weekend together since we met and wanted to make things work. He expressed wanting to get married but he felt I was hiding something from him and he couldn’t accept the fact I have a child. We got in a bad argument in May 2017 in which he was saying I lied about my financial situation and I moved out just to find out 2 weeks later I’m pregnant! I tell him and he wants me to get a abortion. I tell him I’m not going to do that so we continue talking and We eventually move back in with him in September 2017. We get along and click but he just starts treating me bad. We stop having sex, he wouldn’t even kiss me and he being verbally abusive, not buying food and being controlling so I move out 4 days before my birthday in November and break up with him. We talk on the phone everyday and he took me out on my birthday. We talk about counseling as I would like a traditional family to raise my baby. We are now moving into December the counseling starts in January and my baby is due in February. I know he is seeing other women as I felt he has been doing since I have been pregnant or maybe sooner. He doesn’t talk about marriage anymore, he always says he misses me and when I see him for prenatal appointments he always says he misses me but he kisses my forehead and my hand never my lips and stop saying he loves me. I’m confused as to what to do. Can I trust he really wants to make things work? Why would he say he wants counseling but we are still broken up? He started talking and dating openly less than a week after I broke up with him and refuses to sign the birth certificate until a paternity test and won’t give me his social security number saying in essence he doesn’t trust me. Huh? as if I was sleeping with someone else when I got pregnant while I was living with him and only been with him since my celibacy. Please help me discern his intentions! Is he leading me on? Should I go no contact and just raise my baby on my own? Will he actually ever marry me? He is leaving for Korea in May 2017 and I want to get married before he leaves. Will he bail on me? Please help
Oh my, where do I start? I’m not going to beat you up about things that you already know were bad choices like sleeping with him way too soon.
Let me start from the end of your letter and move forward. Men show you who they are. He has been trying to show you that you are NOT the priority. He cares for you but clearly not at the same level that you want him to care for you. Accept him for what he is right now—a mess. You can’t control this mess. You need to be focused for your son and this baby.
Try to minimize the drama and plan on raising this baby alone. I don’t know if he will be there emotionally or his capacity to provide financial support. He probably has another woman in his life and this situation with has only complicated things for him. He clearly does not know how to manage his life. He sounds like he knows that he cannot just abandon you and he appears to be trying to figure a way out of this that would give him the balance that HE needs. He is thinking more about his situation right now. You need to do the same thing and focus your attention on you.
If he wants to work with you, great. Take what you can get. It will be a lot easier for you and the baby in the long-run. There’s very little to gain pressuring him to be with you when his heart is clearly not in it at least at this time. I would not force the marriage issue. That is something you want and that may not be in your best interest over time.
Hope this helps.
Back By Popular Demand – Snooky Rates Women’s Stuff
(Warning Strong Adult Language)
This morning, after a great session of lovemaking, my boyfriend gets up and says: “Girl your stuff is top shelf.” He then smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I was happy and assumed that this was a good thing. What does “top shelf” mean?
Cassandra M., Waltham, MA
Ol’ Snooky is going to educate you. What I’m about to share probably should be in the “Sexuality & Stuff” section of the web site. That’s how sensitive this information is. I’m not breaking any confidences, but I’m probably straddling the line of what I should and should not share. There’s clearly an “unwritten” rule in the Players Handbook, but I’m going to allow you to sit in class today. Welcome to the Snooky Charm School for “players.” Open your books to Chapter 69 — “How To Evaluate P—y.” I don’t speak for all men. This is my rating criteria. That being said, there is a baseline “unwritten rule” about women’s “stuff.” The rule is as follows: There’s no such thing as bad pussy. It’s all good — some is just better than others.
If you understand and accept this hypothesis then you can understand my rating criteria. Unlike the Russian judges in Olympic figure skating, my rating system awards points for versatility and flexibility. This rating system is not scientific, however, the results are based on normative data from years of testing. For purposes of this segment, I will substitute the word “stuff” for the word “pussy.” There’s no need to gratuitously throw that word around.
The following information is not listed in priority order and is a partial listing of the Snooky “Stuff” Rating criteria:
Multipurpose “Stuff” – This is the fastest growing “stuff” right now. A woman who has multipurpose “stuff” has “stuff” so good that it appeals to almost any kind of man. It appeals to the brothers who like petite “stuff,” firm “stuff,” tight “stuff,” juicy “stuff” etc. Multipurpose stuff also provides easier access and better handling in a variety of positions.
Traditional “Stuff” – This is the kind of “stuff” that’s just there. There’s nothing particularly special about this “stuff” as it gets the job done when you need it.
Force Limiter “Stuff” – This is the kind of “stuff” that cannot take maximum force. If you want to round the bases and “slam it home,” then this is not the “stuff” for you.
Maytag “Stuff” – This stuff is so good that no one thinks they have a chance of getting it. Maytag “stuff” sits idle with no activity. The woman has to stir it up herself on occasion to keep it from going bad.
Olympic “Stuff” – The woman who has Olympic “stuff” is physically in the best shape of her life and could qualify for most Olympic competition. Her “stuff” doesn’t get a lot of activity. The word on the street is that Olympic “stuff” will kill you. Unless you are in the best shape of your life, or just want your balls busted, stay away from this one. If you can’t deliver, the woman with Olympic “stuff” is strong enough to flip you over and “tap dat ass.”
Upgradeable “Stuff” – This is good quality stuff that you know can be even better. Be careful! An upgrade usually means that the “stuff” is more convenient; you’re not getting any better quality.
Depreciable “Stuff” – This “stuff” is good now, but is likely to lose value in the future. Usually, the woman is crazy. Her head is not on straight and you have to go through so much drama to get it, that the “stuff” ain’t worth the effort.
Recommended “Stuff” – This “stuff” is consistently good. It performs well in almost every position. This “stuff” is so good that if you weren’t so close to it, you would recommend it to a friend.
Must Hit “Stuff” – This is the kind of stuff that you know you must “hit” regardless of the risk if ever given the opportunity.
High Impact “Stuff” – This kind of “stuff” can easily survive rollovers, headboards, lotions, oil and slippery conditions.
Compact “Stuff” – This “stuff” can only accommodate 6 inches or less. If you’re under 6 inches this is the equivalent of hitting it out the park. Also, see “Recommended Stuff.”
Subcompact “Stuff” – This “stuff” can only accommodate 4 inches or less. When the going gets good, the ride is likely to be noisy, choppy and hard to get in and out of. These are usually your gymnast types. Subcompact “Stuff” is also good for spinning and twirling.
Limousine “Stuff” – This “stuff” is very large and can accommodate up to 12 inches. The ride is smooth, supple and comfortable. This is your “Glide Ride.” If you hear any noise, it will be that good kind of noise (if you know what I mean).
Off Road “Stuff” – Off Road “Stuff” handles clumsily at times, but the stability and control that it provides for your member make this “stuff” well worth the ride. This stuff is usually associated with a heavy load.
Top Shelf “Stuff” (#1 Rated) – Just the mere site of this stuff will get you excited. Top Shelf “Stuff” is usually shaved, impeccably finished and smooth to the touch. Performance is always good in any position, even in rough terrain. Top Shelf “Stuff” can get you to accelerate quickly and level you off for a long and smooth ride. You will not find any signs of high mileage, sagging or excessive wear with Top Shelf “Stuff.” Top Shelf “Stuff” will satisfy you. If you have access to Top Shelf “Stuff” you better bring your hardhat, thermos, flashlight and lunch pail, because you will have to work. Any woman with Top Shelf “Stuff” knows she has it. She instinctively knows what to do, so you are guaranteed the best of the best.
I hope this has been helpful.