By Gary A. Johnson – Founder & Publisher (Black Men In America.com)

I want to be extremely careful in how I frame this commentary about the Justin Fairfax murder-suicide. This incident has been on my mind from the moment I heard the news. My goal is not to be misleading, reckless, or harmful.

This is not about blame. Lives have been lost. For me, the real question is: How do we recognize the signs, take responsible action, and create a culture where Black men feel empowered to seek help before it’s too late?

Black men, more than any other group, must begin to see therapy and counseling as a strength—not a weakness. Here’s where the conversation gets uncomfortable.

According to reports, Justin Fairfax had multiple opportunities to seek help but did not. Whether it was the pressure of being a public figure or the stigma many men attach to therapy, the result is the same—he did not get the help he needed.

A judge considered that Justin purchased a handgun, displayed depressive behavior, consumed large quantities of alcohol, decided against therapy and was not paying child support or his mortgage and decided that he was unfit to be in the same house with his wife and children and ordered him to be out of the house by the end of the month. These are RED flags—clear indicators of someone in distress and potentially spiraling.

Some of his friends have suggested that may have been a breaking point. According to reports, Justin Fairfax shot his wife, Dr. Cerina Fairfax—the mother of his children—seven times before taking his own life. Their teenage son discovered both bodies and called 911. This is a tragedy that has permanently altered the family.

Justin Fairfax was not an ordinary man. He was a former Lieutenant Governor of Virginia, a successful attorney, and once considered a rising political figure. And yet, none of that mattered.

Here are two uncomfortable truths:

1. When it comes to domestic violence, too many men refuse to accept that THEY are the problem.
2. If a woman wants to leave a relationship, she should be able to leave without fear of violence or death.

Let’s look at the data:

• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, homicide is one of the leading causes of death for women in the U.S., and a significant percentage are committed by intimate partners.
• Black men are significantly less likely to seek mental health treatment, despite experiencing high levels of stress, trauma, and systemic pressure.
• Suicide rates among Black men have been rising in recent years, particularly among middle-aged men.
• Most women who are killed are killed by someone they know—often an intimate partner.
• Leaving a relationship significantly increases risk.
• And when firearms are involved, the likelihood of fatal outcomes rises dramatically.
• Add to that—men are far less likely to seek help for emotional or psychological distress.

These are not just statistics. These are warning signals at the 60,000 ft. level.

Look For and Recognize the Signs

• Persistent depression
• Isolation
• Increased substance use
• Controlling behavior in relationships
• Inability to accept rejection or separation
• Legal conflicts tied to domestic disputes
• Acquiring weapons during emotional instability

One sign alone may not indicate danger. But when multiple signs appear, you should take them seriously.

Accountability Matters

I cannot normalize or rationalize a man murdering his wife because he is struggling. Without accountability, nothing changes. For generations, men have been culturally conditioned to suppress pain, avoid vulnerability, and “man up.” That’s dangerous. Let me be clear, seeking help is not weakness.

We need to reframe our reality and normalize therapy and counseling as a positive thing and nothing to be ashamed of. We must normalize checking in on each beyond, “hey man, how you are doing?” We must look for the warning signs and create safe spaces for men to speak openly about things in their life causing them anxiety, trouble and pain.

My Final Thoughts

Success, status, and education do not make one immune to falling into troubling situations (Bill Cosby, Sean Combs, R. Kelly). This is about what happens when pain goes untreated, accountability is avoided, and warning signs are ignored. A woman lost her life. Two children are without their parents and two families are changed forever.

As Black men, we must take responsibility for our mental health, hold each other accountable, and protect—not harm—our families and the people we love.

I want everyone to focus on my version of AAA (Awareness, Accountability, and Action) against domestic violence. It just might save a life.

About The Author

Gary Johnson is the Founder and Publisher of BlackMenInAmerica.com, one of the leading websites in the category of African American/Black websites and online communities. He is the Host and Executive Producer of two acclaimed podcast series: The Calculations Talk Show and The Thought Brothers.

He is also the author of “25 Things That Really Matter In Life: A Quick and Comprehensive Guide to Making Your Life Better—Today!”and a contributing author of “The Black Father Perspective: What We Want America to Know” and “In Search of Fatherhood – Transcending Boundaries: International Conversations on Fatherhood.”

In 2019, during the COVID-19 pandemic, Gary expanded his brand to launch MasterChef Gary’s Premium Organic Seasoning, combining his love for health and flavor. He further expanded his brand by establishing “Gary’s Weight Loss Journey,” to help people understand the challenges of losing weight. Gary serves as a strategic consultant and advisor to the Justice for Black Farmers Group.