The Sexual Journey of an Erotic Novelist from 1975 to 2025

It’s 1975, I am living in Chocolate City and Marion Barry was Mayor, the Southwest waterfront section of the city was jumping, the Fox Trappe nightclub was a staple every Saturday night and the Channel Inn was the place you met your married partner who helped to make sure you could stay in the apartment building on “G” Street SW. 

Sex during the 1970’s into the early 1980’s was strictly transactional, and it was about being at the right event at the right time and being seen.  Most of us had excellent jobs and lived well beyond our means.  Sexual partners were really few and far between as living, commuting, working, and entertainment took up most of your time.  Intimacy was fleeting, fucking was standard and not getting pregnant was the chore.  Salacious three-month stands were the norm, with phone calls coming from the local phone booth at 1:00 a.m. just to see if you were up. Getting pregnant was not an option, the art of fellatio and penis manipulation and penile penetration for your partner was the norm. At the time we did not realize that the Chocolate City had numerous bi-sexual men who would not dare come out to their colleagues for fear of being ostracized. So having a real orgasm was something I did not experience until my early 40s.

In the 80’s I was married, raising a family, and became a serial entrepreneur and neglected the sexual satisfaction of myself and my partner.  At times I felt like it was a mutual admiration only for each other as we had both had come a long way from Mulford Street in Pittsburgh, PA. I could not give him what he needed and I did not take the time to receive what he had to give, but in the midst of our sexual dysfunction, we raised a child, ran a business, were caregivers to my parents, built a home, went on the Tom Joyner Cruise and somewhere on the high seas I knew at that moment we had lost each other for good. Sex was good but it was never GREAT, as I spiraled into the depths of menopause and made numerous bad decisions for myself and ultimately my family. 

Circa 2000s I was on a romantic vacation in Savannah Georgia, in a brownstone vacation rental when menopause turned into pause and the weekend was shattered with bloody sheets and towels and lots of vodka. That is when my sexual maturity began.  At the time I was in my late 50s.  Five months later, I had my first real orgasm, and it felt like I had peed all over my partner and it ran down my leg onto the sheets and I grabbed him tightly and apologized for the heat.  All during my 50’s and 60’s sex was off incredible.  New positions were explored, and condom use was a must.  Becoming a professional condom fitter was important as flubbing the condom could take the intimacy out of the entire experience. I learned how to receive a massage and to give one.  I experienced for the first time real intimacy (in-to-me-see) and the power of tantra “Tantric sexuality refers to a range of practices in Hindu and Buddhist tantra that utilize sexual activity in a ritual or yogic context. It is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body.

Tantric love goes beyond conventional sexual experiences, focusing on deepening the connection between partners on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. In Tantra, sexual energy is considered a powerful force that can be harnessed to expand consciousness and strengthen the bond between partners.” 

Younger partners – my philosophy has always been 10 down 3 up.  Have I been afraid of intimacy because of sexual transmitted diseases, no not really for as many partners that I have had over my lifetime, making sure through communication and testing, we knew that with the kind of love making that was being made, multiple partners would be an issue and unsafe.  Dating younger men keeps you on pins and needles as to the depth of the relationship. It is something that I have not enjoyed for long.  But for a good year, it is a delicious “battle royale.”

Ages sixty-five to seventy – what an amazing experience of orgasmic emotions.  Surely, I could have had this type of sexual satisfaction earlier had I let myself believe that multiple orgasmic sensations was a gift from nature. Sex between 65 to now has been awesome and frustrating at the same time.  As we lose partners at this age and some of your partners are no longer in the erectile producing capability.  But thanks to Cialis, tantra, porn and time, an intimate relationship now is better than it has ever been. 

The Journey – Sex After 60

Tell us about your sexual journey.  What would you do differently and how you can improve the journey going forward.  Send your 2–3-page journey to May2154@hotmail.com. 

Selection for submission will be done by The Premier Online Magazine for Black Men – An All-Inclusive Website

 Donna M. Gray-Banks

• Author of Ila’s Diamond I, II, III, IV – an erotic series filled with murder and espionage.  www.amazon.com
• Founder/Director F.R.E.S.H. Book Festival
• Email:  freshbookfestivals@gmail.com